Zoe at the Special Olympics

Life is really busy right now with a new job, finishing thesis, and now a flood in my hometown and I am making sure my house is not being washed away.  The good news is, my sister competing in Alberta' Special Olympics this weekend in Devon, Alberta.  Despite the flooding, the event is going on as it is further north and not in the flood zone.  Here is a blog post my mother wrote about the event.  More to come later.

Zoe at the Special Olympics

Apparently the Olympics went very well and Zoe won a silver medal and three bronze medals.  One medal for each event she entered.  Very cool Zoe!  I shall call in the next few days to hear her stories.

Zoe Wins Four Medals

Crunch Time 4

My body crashed and burned this weekend.  It appears that both my brain and my body realized that major parts of my life are ending and both decided to just stop and rest.  I am very lucky that I get to take the time to relax and recuperate as most of the weekend was spent cleaning my apartment and being exhausted.  I am hoping I get my energy back early this week.  My exhaustion level has been ridiculous.  So tired.  3.5 hour nap today and I may even go to bed on time.  To all you people thinking of grad school, do it but know that, like with other large projects, utter exhaustion is inevitable multiple times throughout the process, especially at the (almost) end.  Something productive will happen tomorrow.....

Crunch Time 3

So I did it.  I handed in my thesis to my professor earlier this week.  Now begins several months of re-writes.  I wonder how sick I will be of my thesis before it even goes to my committee?  While I await the first set of re-writes I am hearing horror stories of both the length of time other grads have experienced for re-writes and how many people cry either during or after their thesis defence.  Despite some harsh criticism of two parts of my thesis, I did not cry during or after the proposal, but I was in shock for about a week.  Walking around thinking about how I could have made the proposal better to have avoided the criticism, as well, wondering where a university's responsibility begins in teaching about their students how to complete research, and where the individual grad student's responsibility begins.  Besides, open verbal group feedback is a very difficult experience and chilled me a bit to the bone.  Then again, that is the whole point of a thesis committee, the group that gives you ideas about how to improve your work, your abilities as a researcher, and your writing.  A bit of a double-edged sword, pointing out the weaknesses while at the same time helping the individual to improve through little tiny repetitive cuts to the top layer of skin.  Hopefully I can handle what comes.  The end is near, I just have to sustain my level of progress until the very end.

Towards the end I looked like every other crazy student's space: papers everywhere, books piled in each other, pens, pencils and highlighters all over the place, cups of leftover beverages strewn about, piles of dishes in the sink, semi-rotten food in the fridge, running out of clothes to wear, few clean towels left, and a dirty apartment that scared me.  The picture below is the cleaned up version of my study space (you will not be seeing the rest of the apartment).  Should have taken a shot before I organized.  It was a hilarious, academic mess.    

Worry, not, I was not bored after I handed in my thesis as my student political career winds down at the end of this month as well.  What a strange and eclectic ride that has been.  Full of the interesting, bizarre, and overwhelming experiences that can crush one's soul or bend you in ways you thought you were not flexible.  I had to have a long conversation around January with a colleague about the sacrifices I was making to complete this political work and the tole it was taking on my academic progress.  At the time I was being steam rolled by a colleague and it was exhausting and disappointing, but not worth delaying my academic progress.  From this and other experiences I have learned that democracy is illusive and hard to work through as a process.  I am willing to interpret rules in order to serve people and ensure their needs are met, but there are multiple interpretations of rules and critical thinking is always necessary.  We serve people, not words on a piece of paper, but the ideas attached to those words are important and subject to interpretation.  This makes democracy challenging and formidable.  It has been an interesting few years.  

As these two main pieces of my life come to a close, work that has occupied my life for three years, I wonder about the next steps.  I am lucky as I have already had several job interviews for work in both the tourism and recreation fields.  This weekend I am spending time thinking about what I want from life, and I wonder what the future holds for me and what choices I will be asked to make.  All unfolding uncertainties.  Exciting and a bit scary at the same time.

Off to create a poster and re-read my thesis just for improvement sake...again.
I'll keep you posted.

Born to Run

Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Running is not something that I like doing unless I have a basketball, am running bases, or playing some sort of sport.  Having started running in the Running Room clinics a friend lent me this read.  After devouring this interesting novel about a tribe of people who run as their more used form of transportation, the Tarahumara, several well known American runners organize a race down in the Copper Canyons of Mexico.  A fantastic read that will make you think you too can run for miles and miles.  While I continue to plod along, I shall allow this read to motivate me as I learn to run for the sake of my body and its abilities.


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Holi Easter Birthday

Good Friday was March 31, 1972 back on the day I was born.
Easter Sunday is March 31, 2013 my 41st birthday.
Easter and, as it turns out Holi, has always hovered around my birthday, gone off into April, then returned to hover.  This year it is an alignment that is encouraging me to spend time with my closest friends who have shown long term kindness and mutual consideration with a few fun but subdued gatherings.  I will chat with family long distance and enjoy their company further afield since none live in the same city.
Nothing crazy like last year.  Just a few sweet memorable moments.
Enjoy your weekend, whatever you do or do not celebrate.
Thanks for reading!

Crunch Time 2

Update on how thesis is going.
Well.  Quite well.
Then I had a colleague that came to the grad student office sick.
Sick people should stay home.
Then I got sick.  For a whole week.
I stayed home.  Still recovering.
Still managed to get some work done in front of my computer.  Productivity down however.
Will persevere.

A few years ago a good friend introduced me to this blog:

Crazy Aunt Purl

She is a hilarious blogger who is living a different sort of life than she had planned.  I read her blog in early January and she had decided not to make any New Year's resolutions.  Instead she was creating monthly goals that she wanted to try to achieve.  Well, some were daily, some weekly, and some monthly.  Purl even made herself a beautiful (and tacky in a fun way) Kindergarten version of a star chart on a piece of large clipboard paper.  Turns out it worked for her and she remembered her goals all month, plus she now has an almost fully decorated chart full of shiny, red, happy stars.

I am in.
I made my list.
I made it twice.
Here it is:

Daily Goals:

1.) 1 hour of exercise

2.) 5 servings of veg & fruit 

(called 5 A Day in the UK; picked this up while traveling)

3.) 3-4 hours of work on thesis

4.) to bed before 11 PM

Weekly Goals:

6.) 1 shopping/grocery trip

7.) 2 healthy dishes made

8.) do 1 large cleaning job

9.) 1 fun night out planned 

One of my awesome sisters (I have a few) made family calendars and every day I write down the number of the goals I achieved in the day's respective calendar box.  

You might wonder about the simplicity of some of these goals.  I am in grad school and basic self cleaning, eating and care takes a back seat to many other projects.  You've been there.  You know what it's like to wonder if you neeeeeed to shower one day, or if you haaaave to buy healthy food this week, because it takes time and that time could be used on one of those projects.  You've been there.  This is to keep me clean, healthy, happier, and keep my energy hustle level up to get my thesis done.  February went well.  Very well.  March has slowed down because I am sick.  Once I am over this, I am back.  Full force.  

If this is your thing, give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Thank you Purl!

Canada Reads! Yes We Do!

It is Canada Reads time!

Five more books to add to my reading list.

One or two are twenty years old; several new to literature.

I love Canada Reads, in particular the radio debate.

Keeping books and radio alive!

The contenders:

(Excuse the fuzzy books.  Read them anyway.)

Grad School Lazy = RUN

It is time to get in shape using my shapely form.  Going from teaching all day and moving around for 6 hours organizing children, teaching lectures, providing supplies, starting projects and the general mayhem of teaching elementary school, grad school has left me lazy.  Yes, I blame grad school.  Other than the research I completed this summer at festivals and interpretive centres, grad school required my brain, fingers and wrists to function on overload, but not my other body parts.  Hence I am less healthy and fit than I have ever been in my life.  A once former athlete, I have been a casual participant in sports and other activities over many years, and several years ago was so frustrated in a crazy job that I began working out 1.5 hours a day, just to deal with the daily stress and bur-ha-ha.  I was tighter after that job but the insanity lead me to other paths in my life.  I moved to London and started to travel, during which I walked and moved for hours every day, and tried every delicious looking European snack possible (have you been to an authentic patisserie lately?).  Then I transitioned to grad school and lost it all, my sleek calves, my Carnival shaped butt, my tighter abs, and my single chin.  I want these back and in order for this to happen, and under the pressure of great friends, I joined a running club.

This means I have joined the Running Room for a 10 week Learn How To Run clinic.  Now those who know me know I am an athletic person and many of the sports I participate in include running.  My shins have always cried out in pain after a long workout, so I am learning how to run properly and will ease into running with this clinic.  Perhaps I will share interesting wipe-outs and other such nonsense on this blog.  Be prepared for shenanigans!

So far one of the runners this evening told me that there is a new basketball team starting up in Manitoba for women aged 40-49.  I have not found the link yet.  I will keep looking and share because I would really like to get back into basketball.

That would be awesome....must finish thesis first!

My new New Balance shoes:

Love New Balance, always have.

My new ICEtrekkers:

So I don't fall down and go boom!

My new underoos care of Costco and Paradox:

Note: my legs are far more luscious and curvy :)

A Little More Understanding and Equality

May we spend 2013 spending more time learning more about people, analyze and improve how we treat each other, and see the ways that we can improve relationships with each other to coexist with more understanding and equality.

Here are two examples of ways in which people are changing the world to create a more positive, considerate and thoughtful sphere on which we live.

Idle No More:

Religion and Homosexuality:

A BYU's student review of the new LDS Church website about homosexuality.

May your holidays be merry and bright!

Summer 2012: Pottery

There was a chance this past summer to begin creating ceramic pieces again.  I have not touched a wheel for two years so I was really excited to ensure the skills I have been developing over the years were still there, and that I could hone a few more skills.  Over time I have given away most of my pieces and this time I decided I was going to keep the pieces and make what I wanted to use every day in my own eating, cooking, drinking and for my own enjoyment. 

I was able to take some time to make several functional pieces but there was not enough time before the pottery area was going to be shut down for me to make any complicated items with lids, spouts, and other accoutrements.  There was little time to glaze as well and I had to complete all of it in one night, which amounted to about 5 hours of glazing, completed very quickly, without a great deal of forethought for more pieces.  Next time I will try to secure more time.

Yes, I made mugs because there aren't enough of them in the world.  When I make mugs I try to create interesting shapes, fun handles the size needed to actually get one's hand or fingers in there.  Too many uselessly small handles in the world.

A funky twist on a handle.

A geometric addition to a handle.

I am reminded every time I get to the wheel how physically demanding such work is.  In fact, in observing friends of mine who complete many different types of art, I am always reminded that they physical literacy that one is demanded to learn in the arts is often as physically demanding as the literacy required for those who participate in sport.  As well, art can get just as dirty as European football or rugby on a rainy, wet, muddy day.

A medium size bowl whose circles of shape and glaze I enjoy as my new counter-top fruit bowl.

This is the piece-de-resistance for the summer.  A white bowing shape onto which I flicked underglaze of green and black.  Several coats of high firing clear glaze and I loved it as soon as I saw it at the bottom of the kiln.  As much as one can decorate, plan and co-ordinate a piece of pottery, the kiln always surprises you.  In this case, a wonderful surprise.

Over the past few months I have had friends request and attempt to claim several pieces, but I am sticking to my guns for now.  I don't have any pieces of pottery in Winnipeg and I am keeping these until I leave....if I leave.

Welcome Home: Travels in Smalltown Canada

Welcome Home: Travels in Smalltown Canada by Stuart McLean
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Twenty years later this book is still a relevant piece of Canadian literature reflecting on the lives of those individuals who live in rural communities.  Working hard to survive and communities these people share with McLean what they love about living in small towns, what endures them to their community members, and the various ways in which they are attempting to survive together as urbanization increases and their rural populations decrease.  From a hockey town in Manitoba, to the historic town of Maple Creek, to the far reaches of a bay town of Sackville, the reader is taken on a soft and melodious journey through the eyes of those who live and work in rural communities.  I wonder if he has written an updated version.  I think McLean should.

The most interesting part for me was the meeting McLean secured with the person who created the Canadian flag, George Stanley living in Sackville, New Brunswick.  He was asked to create a version of a potential flag by a member of parliament as he had strong interests in history and heraldry (a means of identification, usually focused on country or familial commitment).  He based his single maple leaf design on outfits Olympians wore during the 1928 Olympics, the games my grandfather Doral Pilling and his room mate Percy Williams both competed in.  "One of the images I have carried with me all my life is a photograph I saw when I was a boy.  It was a picture form the 1928 Olympics in Amsterdam of Percy Williams breasting the tape and winning a gold medal for Canada.  He was wearing a white jersey with a red maple leaf on his chest.  It's an image that has always struck with me."  Recently a book was written about Percy Williams by Samuel Hawley titled, I Just Ran: Percy Williams, World's Fastest Human.  Another book to read especially since the author consulted with my Aunt Arta Johnson who was instrumental in documenting her father's, Doral Pilling's, oral history which included stories about the 1928 Olympics and the athletic tours he participated in as the team returned to Canada.  I also have two cousins who have taken this maple leaf motif from their Olympic uniforms and had tattoos made from them.  Family stories and choices coming full circle.  Thank you McLean for shedding more light on a family story of which I was unaware.


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About To Make Brownies

While I was living in Calgary in the early 2000's I purchased a book by a Calgary based recipe author, Julie Van Rosendaal.  Having a very sweet tooth, I immediately loved it as it is called, One Smart Cookie: All your favourite cookies, squares, brownies and biscotti...with less fat!  A few years later I bought her Grazing recipe book too.  Over the years I have made several dishes out of both books, granted the sugar content is not super low in the cookie book, but the results are delicious and you can scrumptiously indulge with a little less guilt.

After having curled today, completed some errands, and accidentally did some laps around a near-by mall who has taken down all its directional signs (I almost didn't make it out), it is time for a treat.  There is zucchini in the fridge from my aunt and uncle's garden in British Columbia (it had a long drive out to Winnipeg) and I shall be making Julie's Chocolate Chip Zucchini Brownies (p. 134).  Since I fly solo, I will eat to my heart's content, then divide up the pan of brownies into healthy size portions, wrap them up in plastic, and freeze them for when I have a chocolate hankering another day.

Can't promise any photos.  Do you really want to see chocolate and zuch in my teeth?  I didn't think so.  But here is Julie's more recent blog which appears to have developed beyond desserts.  Mmmmmmm.....

  DINNER WITH JULIE  

I changed my mind.
I took picture.
Warm. Dense. Chocolatey. Decadent.

Dark Star Safari

Dark Star Safari: Overland from Cairo to Cape Town by Paul Theroux
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A marvellous read and moving read.  Theroux, having lived in many of the countries along the east coast of Africa, returns to them to find many of them worse of economically, socially and developmentally than they were in the 1960's.  His message appears to be that the aid dollars given to African nations may be helping in little ways here and there, but these efforts are not helping with the overall improvement of the human and economic conditions in many of the countries he visited.  While help from other nations is important, Theroux repeatedly stresses that African countries must help themselves deal with their own troubles and difficulties.  I have only ever been to one African country so I am not familiar with the complexities of many of the issues.  This book shed some light on these issues, and I will watch and learn more about these nations and their work to become more stable environments for their people.


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The Right Words

Life is good.
Working on a few academic things: methods section, uploading summer data onto computer, planning the graduate student orientation, and even applying for jobs.
May the gods of employment smile down upon me in great measure.
Enjoying friends and meeting some interesting new people.
Still learning both professionally and personally.

In this midst of all this I listen to music.
This song popped up during this evening in a mix/shuffle.
It is a demure and calming song.
Putting the vision of one's life into perspective.

Thought you might enjoy it too thanks to CBC Radio 2



I had a friend tell me recently that she is really enjoying watching me walk through my life right now, seeing me move through the process of re-creation, deciding what do include in it, and observing the choices I am making.  She made me envious of myself.  Perhaps this is why I keep listening to this song, not because I am in a tearful, sorrowful place, but because I feel content and peaceful, throwing my heart and life out into the ocean and wondering what will be sent back anew and what will simply be new.

Remember:
The paradise you long for it's underneath your feet.
What you runnin' for?
Where've you been?

Respect

Dish

Dish: Midlife Women Tell the Truth about Work, Relationships, and the Rest of Life by Barbara Moses
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

As I push 40, I have pulled out this book given to me by my sister during a Christmas several years ago.  She is a thoughtful gift giver and I am really enjoying this book thus far.  I look forward to my 40's when my opinions of myself and my life are far more important to me that are other opinions.  More later.

Finished the book and I plan on returning to my sister and she turns 40 next spring.  I have now reached 40 and as usual, a birthday does not make me feel any different.

According to this book, it seems as though I went through my mid-life crisis a little earlier than most.  Three years ago I was in a profession (elementary school teacher) that I enjoyed for several reasons but could not see myself content in for the next 30 years.  I bailed, moved to London, UK to play, applied to graduate school, am now completing graduate work, no longer religious, befriending a larger swath of people, enjoying the occasional rendez_vous, and living in a city that never thought I would even visit.  Strange how life takes on its own plan once you start rearranging yours.

That is what this book is about.  Taking time to stop and assess your life.  Acknowledge the good, address and let go of mistakes, plan a better future after some deep thought, and proceed with life, living it better than before.  Inspiring and a reminder that I am one of many who have left a past life, reinvented myself and am enjoying life so much more than before.

Some of the best parts:
"Sometime in my forties, I realized how important it was to be one whole, integrated person.  I did not want to work in an environment where I would have to segregate a work personal and a personal persona." - Writer p. 45

One [employee] of a bank provides a regular check and balance for herself.  She makes a 'date' with herself at the end of every workweek.  She reflects on the week past and asks herself questions like: Is this work meeting my needs?  Did I do anything significant this week?  Did I have fun?  Did I feel good?  And then she thinks about the coming weeks and what she hopes to accomplish.  p. 116

About 75 percent of the women said they did not have the financial security that they had expected at this life stage - they didn't want a lot, just some latitude or a safety net for taking risks.  Virtually all of them said one of their major life regrets was "buying too much crap and not starting to save earlier."  p. 127

For goals to be meaningful, like our lives, the must be dynamic and changeable.  Do you see yourself as being on a journey, or are you on a fixed path to a predetermined destination?  Many women in midlife see themselves as moving toward a state, such as being debt-free, or leaving a legacy, but their goals are implicit, not explicit.  They trust they will get there.  p. 133

The great British management thinker Charles handy coined the idea of a portfolio career.  He wrote that he balances '"core" work, which provided "the essential wherewithal for life" with work "dome purely for interest or for a cause, or because it would be stretch me personally or simply because it was fascinating or fun."...Every year I take on one new activity that stretches me, and absorbs me completely...I think this is one of the most organic types of career configurations available to midlife women, especially those wit multiple interested or the drive to explore new territory.  It is based on the assumption that we have many needs and desires and play many roles.  p. 154

I asked women I interviewed, "Looking back over your career, what regrets do you have?  What are you most proud of?  If you had one piece of advice to a younger woman, what would it be?
- know yourself
- act on what is most important to you
- maintain your integrity
- distinguish between the big issues and those that are a matter of taste
- find a mentor / be a mentor
- don't make work the centrepiece of your identity
- be able to navigate the political currents
- confront the fear reptile and take informed risks
- invest in yourself
- be financially literate
- be yourself
- never be deterred by lack of confidence
- don't worry if you don't know what you want to do "when you grow up"
- think trade-one, not trade offs (forget having it all, prioritize what is most important in your life)
p. 157-161

The nature of our relationships with our partners is shaped by who we are, what we want from our lives, as well as our partners' personalities, what we project onto our partners, and what we accept in our partners.  p. 221

Although we all have different expectations of our relationships, we agree on the big issues:
- create a life that is not dependent on a partner
- don't allow yourself to be swallowed
- don't swallow your partner
- enjoy and accept your partner for who she/he is
- make time for each other
- recognize and discuss your feelings when they occur
- be realistic
- monitor your thoughts and your speech when you have a disagreement
- know what is important to you
- don't tolerate any kind of abusiveness or behaviour that makes you feel belittled
- take your own counsel when it comes to ending a relationship
- get support through a bad period

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Be Careful

Be careful what you take to final exams.

Things fall out of back pockets when you sit for three hours.

Then again, it sure added some joy to the supervision part of my day.

(Psssst!  In case you can't see the yellow object, it's a condom.)

Spring Fling, Women of Note

When I moved to Winnipeg I took my time to get to know the city and settle in...then I became bored.  This is one of my arch nemesis, boredom.  Thusly I started finding interesting recreation activities to enjoy during my time away from school.  One of my passions is singing in choirs.  I am willing to take more risks with my voice when I am in a group of people and I found the Women of Note Choir.

My mother, a musician in her soul, had us singing around the piano by the time I was 4 or 5, just very young.  I was singing harmonies by 10 or 11 and my siblings and I were performing in competitions by the time I was in grade 4.  We were each playing musical instruments at this time and we were on a schedule every morning before school.  Probably to keep sane my mother had us rotate through three different activities: eat breakfast, practice piano, practice instrument, get dressed/ready for school.  Then were were out the door to school.  I don't know how she did it and found the patience.  We were all pretty sassy and bratty, but funny...at least we thought we were funny.

Music continues to be a prominent part of my life and my siblings lives.  Two siblings play trombone professionally and are active in their music communities.  A sister married another musician and now we have three trombone players who serenade us at many family events.  Here is a wee snippet taken 4 or so years ago:

In order: Teague, Tim, Lurene at family cabin at 

Shuswap Lake, British Columbia

Women of Note Choir, with its 70 female voices is equally talented.  Conductor and pianist both active musicians and teachers, and the women who sing are all experienced performers.  I have the opportunity to be part of the larger mass choir and the smaller Chamber singers choir.

We are performing on Wednesday, May 9 at 7:30 at the Westworth United Church in Winnipeg and you are welcome to come.  A mere $15 to hear an eclectic range of music including Let's Imitate Her Notes Above by Handel, The Prayer (in Slovanian, one of my favourite pieces) by Damijan Mocnik, four Hildegard Motets, a Navajo song titles The Sun is  Luminous Shield, a seductress song called Maid on the Shore, Gilbert & Sullivan's Three Little Maids From School, a romping old west song Old Grandma (she is a sassy one too), Punching the Dough (which my nephew has retitled Punching the Gabe, in reference to is older brother), and finishing off with Rosephanye Powell's spiritual, Still I Rise.  The woman singing the solo has a gigantic voice, that un-miked, can be heard above the other 69 women.  She is amazing!

We have been rehearsing since January and I am ready for this concert, even though I have been without a voice for two weeks.  I need to fix a few notes I keep missing, hop into my black top and beautiful skirt, then bring on Wednesday!

Good luck to us!

My Sweet Curiosity

Amanda Hale
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Once again, I found this book walking back from the bathroom to my study carrel at a University library.  Two books caught my eye, both by the same author, this one called, My Sweet Curiosity.  Blending the history of Andreas Vesalius, the author of De humani corporis fabrica (On the Structure of the Human Body), who is considered the founder of modern human anatomy; with the story Natalya, a medical student and her tumultuous relationship with her mother beginning with a bizarre birth story; and Dai Ling, a gifted cellist studying music in university with parents who sacrificed their lives in China to bring her to Canada.  Natalya and Dai Ling find each other and fall in love, and Dai Ling has to work through this revelation of being a lesbian within a traditional Chinese family structure.  Lost in tumultuous history's, each character, Natalya, Dai and Andreas, must navigate a labyrinth of ancestral choices that influences their current conditions, and reminds the reader that we come from a place we may not have chosen, but this history filled with people is desperate to hold on to us, despite our attempts to set ourselves free.

I will be looking for more Amanda Hale books as the intense research she completes on topics that I am unfamiliar with, teaches me about subjects I don't have time to research, as I turn each page.  Sounding the Blood, her first novel, is next.

http://amandahale.com/


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IT IS MY 40th BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

Tonia circa 1978

yep

the day has arrived

40 and still living life to the limit

embrace the moments of change

love the new

wave goodbye to an old decade full of changes

enjoy me fitting my own standards

keep living a wonderful life

thanks for having me mum and dad

my siblings are the most amazing people I know

nieces and nephews add to the joy

friends are always a big part of my life

thanks to you all for adding to the joy and contentment 

cheers to me!

Tonia in 2009