Today as I took my morning 'I Hate Running, I Would Rather Walk Longer' charge through Regent's Park I noticed an animal. A canine. I am not fond of dogs or cats or pets in general. Money can be spent elsewhere more effectively in my life, but I digress.
This dog, I am sure, had owners nearby, but I could not tell because the dog lingered at a thin tree for an exceptionally long period of time. It began moving away from the tree then returned. Sniffed more. Once again turned, and moved on.
Enter Tonia's head:
'Ahhhhh!...it must smell some delightful post urine deposit of an appealing dog'
Tonia enters canine's head:
'Oh sweet delight of lusciousness...she leaves behind a scent of lamb, barley and a little apple...what a health conscious and natural potential lover...a dog good to make babies with...I shall return for one divine, last, deep sniff...then find her in this vast green place...come little pretties, let me sniff your behind in order to find my true mating love...'
Back to Tonia's head:
'Ha!...what if humans found mates like dogs...we went around sniffing peed on trees to assess possible mates...rather than walking, I would deftly approach a tree...lean in gently...inhale deeply...no, nothing here...there, another tree...run to it....lean in...sniff once more...perfect...musky, pure, with a hint of sandalwood...Ooooooo...my ears would perk up...my eyeballs enlarge...the hunt has begun! My day would be spent in the green space and beyond, sniffing potential human mates. FREAKING PEOPLE OUT, until at last, my pee mate had been found!
Dude, I am SO glad I am not a dog!’
Back to walking.